Is this the manner in which the Australian Government is conducting business today?

The joke:

It’s a slow day in a little West Victorian town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer’s Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.  No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Australian Government is conducting business today.

Dad & Dave, an Absolute classic

It is likely that only  Australian viewers will know the great depth of humour in the following words:

Dad & Dave saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper in Carleton Place, and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

Dad & Dave replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Dad said, “We’re gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Dad said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Dad & Dave at the local grocery store and asked.

“What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Dad said,”Hell, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.”

The farmer said, “My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

Dave said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. so we gave him his two dollars back.”

Dad & Dave now work for the government.

They’re financial advisers to our finance minister.

Don’t mess with Senior Citizens

A joke about an old lady and a hotel bill:

The Hotel Bill

An older lady [a hot gilf] decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. “It’s a Nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay!

“I didn’t even have breakfast.”

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate’, so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use.”

“But I didn’t use them,” she said.

”Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” the Manager said.

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But madam, This check is for only $50.00.”

“That’s correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the very surprised Manager.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

Don’t mess with Senior Citizens